The Feast of St. Francis & Living Two Lives

Today is the feast day of St. Francis. It is also the day a dear friend of mine, who has formed the Fourth Order of St. Francis and Clare, has surgery. Before I lived at the Christine Center, I knew very little about St. Francis. So today, I want to share the story my friend posted on her Facebook page. I don't know where she got it from, but I know the struggle described within is on my mind every day I live in my two bedroom apartment with every modern convenience at my fingertips. By some standards, my life is humble, but as I fly literally around the world for my job, and as I look back on the one-room cabin I only so briefly lived in, without even running water, I know I am living differently. I'm not sure any of us can really ride two horses at once -- or, not for long anyway. But I leave this to you, to find in it whatever speaks to you.

A STORY :-) OF FRANCIS OF ASSISI AND BERNARD OF QUINTAVALLE, HIS FIRST COMPANION

Francis had let go of his life in the world, renounced the world’s insanity, and lived in utter simplicity, living another way through a grace he could not explain, but which carried him out to the poor and into his own heart…and the heart of the world. 

He had a joy as if a desperate tree in the desert had sunk its taproot deeply into a great underground stream. With no home he flourished like a man who had found his true home and his true belonging.

People thought he was out of his mind, a madman. He was rejected and despised by his relations and by strangers, who threw stones and mud at him when he passed; yet he went on his way, accepting these insults as patiently as if he had been deaf and dumb. 

For some reason Bernard needed to be near this crazy man. For some reason Francis seemed at times to be the only sane man on the planet. The Contradiction, he called him. Francis was out in the cold, living with every vulnerability that people feared, yet he had joy, meaning, happiness. Bernard felt alive when he was with him, and this disturbed him.

Bernard had it good. He was rich. He had power. He was respected, yet within him there was restlessness, boredom, a meaninglessness masked in cynicism. Bernard knew the game of life, the way it had been laid out, the way those without suffer, and those with hunker down. He knew hypocrisy, the sending of men into battle for political and financial agendas, he saw the abandonment of the injured, the wary look in the eyes of the returned, the need for the stupor of wine to numb out. He understood that a man had to protect himself or he would be dead or devoured. 

Bernard was a man who stayed close to his own mind. It had served him well. He felt a dizzying discomfort on the streets with Francis. So he decided to study him in his own way in his own territory. He invited Francis to his house for dinner and offered him a place to stay for the night. 

The dinner was fabulous, wine, poultry, sweet greens, pastry. The conversation easily rode the waves of memories, laughter, gossip and life’s meaning. As the night wore on Bernard made up a bed for Francis by the fireplace in his own bedroom where a lamp burned all night. 

Now Francis felt an interior agitation. All to quickly the comforts of the world took hold of him. Good food, pleasant warm surroundings, a sense of safety from the cold night, the feeling of power and privilege. He felt sleep coming over his soul. He knew he had to deal with this or be lost. 

In order to conceal his feelings, he threw himself upon the bed as soon as he entered the room, and pretended to fall asleep. Bernard likewise soon after went to bed, and began to snore as if sleeping soundly. On this, Francis, thinking that Bernard was really fast asleep, got up and began to pray. 

Raising his hands and eyes to heaven, he began to weep bitterly, exclaiming, “My God! my God!” This went on for hours, this oak of a man going deeper and deeper into the stream of love, repeating over and over “My God and my all!” 

And with each repetition the illusions were washed away and he felt real life flowing through him again. He contemplated the majesty of real life, its ecstasy, its joy, its compassion on a perishing world to save not only the soul of Francis, but to bring all beings to life. And he felt through that spirit the same compassion. He was caught in the vision of one who begins to truly love. He longed for all beings to be blessed as he was. He foresaw that though the mutual blessing of all beings, the Holy Spirit could fully dwell within and among them. He understood that even his small blessing and the blessing of those who would follow the simple way would open the floodgate of the spirit of compassion; he wept with joy.

Then he wept with the knowledge that there really were no others with him to follow the simple way. He wept at his own insufficiency and unworthiness. He prayed and called upon the lord of compassion, through his power and wisdom, to supply, help and accomplish that which of himself he could not do.

Bernard had no understanding of this. He, under his covers, simply watched Francis in deep prayer. But Bernard did experience the waves of love in the room. He felt the life that seized Francis take hold of him. He left the counsel of his good mind and followed that life into his own heart. Bernard never wanted to leave that temple again. 

The next morning he spoke to Francis, “ I want to live the way you live.”

Francis looked at Bernard, and at his surroundings. “The way I live is simple and offers everything a human being would ever need to live in joy and love. Yet the way I live is so difficult and so great an act of vulnerability, it overturns the whole world’s ways in us. We must take counsel of the Lord Jesus Christ, and pray to him that he may show us what is his will, and may teach us to follow it. We will go together to Mass and remain in prayer till the third hour, asking for guidance. At the third hour we will open the Missal three times.”

And when Bernard agreed they set out together, heard Mass, and after remained in prayer till the fixed time. They took up the Missal, made the sign of the holy cross, and opened it three times, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The first place which they lit upon was at the answer of Christ to the young man who asked of him the way to perfection: If thou wilt be perfect, go, sell all that thou hast and give to the poor, and come, follow me.
The second time they opened at the words which Jesus addressed to the apostles when he sent them forth to preach the Word of Truth: Take nothing with you for your journey: neither staff, nor scrip, nor bread, nor money; wishing to teach them thereby to commit the care of their lives to him.

When the Missal was opened a third time they came upon these words: If any one will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

Then Francis, turning to Bernard, said, “This is the advice that the Lord has given us; go and do as you have heard; and blessed be the Lord Jesus Christ who has pointed out to you this way of life.”

Now Bernard set out to his house to do as his heart and the Spirit directed. His mind was as sharp as ever. Bernard knew that when he gave away his law books, he would no longer be valued for the work he did. He knew when he gave away his home with all its beautiful possessions he would no longer be respected for his money and power. Bernard knew he would be treated as Francis was treated. Bernard knew and Bernard hesitated. Anyone would. But even with these doubts, Bernard proceeded; and as he proceeded a phrase kept repeating in his head, “It’s a good day to die,” and all he could do was laugh. Such is the way of godly folly. There are no guarantees. 

When people heard he was giving away all his possessions they rushed his house, ripping even the curtains from the walls. Bernard sat in the chaos laughing at himself, at the insanity that possessed these people, and the lunacy of Francis who greeted each possessed soul with “Peace and all good to you.” He was grateful to them all. When it was done, he followed Francis, walking behind him in silence - listening to the birds. 

It is said that Bernard received many graces from God and was ravished in contemplation. Francis said he was worthy of all reverence, and that he had founded the Order, because he was the first who had abandoned the world, placing himself naked in the arms of God, whom may we all eternally bless. Amen.