Gratitude.

One thing about my ongoing silence is that I haven't really had a chance to thank people.

But the list of things people have done for me (even while I've been holed up) is pretty enormous.

My friends Kelsey and Thomas have taken me into their home, at a time when I am almost certainly not the ideal house guest. So many of you came to my brother's visitation and funeral to support me (including my entire women's softball team), even though most of you had never even met my brother. Mariah, who is like a sister to me, picked me up from the airport and kept tabs on me all week. Brigid came down from the twin cities. Morgan came up from Chicago. Oriol came in from Milwaukee. Amanda and Bryce loaned me Jana and their apartment. And it's not just my closest friends who have dropped everything to support me.

There are also all the people I've met along the way who I never expected would be so thoughtful and generous. There is my chiropractor who insisted on giving me a free session, because she wanted to support my own healing work. There is my old massage therapist who, having suffered from a serious bike accident, only works part time, who still invited me into her home to see her anyway. She saw the Obit. She found me on LinkedIn so she could send me a message. It's all so unbelievable to me. That kind of generosity has made me feel like I am surrounded by a community of support, at every level imaginable.

People from my childhood have sprung up around me to remind me of the continuity of things. Even the woman who watched me from age 3 months to 4 years drove in with her husband!

I've received flowers from Paris. Messages from people I haven't seen in ten years. And my blog has now been read on four continents. (Geeze, who even blogs anymore?)

I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support and healing that has been sent my way. Even though I have often been silent, I have read every message. I have appreciated each one of you who has listened, or let me be quiet, loaned me winter clothes, or hugged me for so long. I mean, I never thought I'd say this, but the fact that I get hugged now upon entry into the Nitty Gritty is actually ridiculously comforting... since I now accompany my parents there every single day in a show of solidarity. (Thankfully, they serve GF breads...)

Most of you have been tremendously accepting of my process with this. Even though you are probably unsure of exactly what I'm going through, or what the "right thing" to do is, and I have been very little help... you all just keep showing up. And however you show up, I just hope you know that even if I don't acknowledge it personally, that's because I'm grieving. It's not because I don't appreciate you and all that you've done. I am filled with appreciation, and once again humbled by the reality that I've been given so much more than I can ever return to any of you.

I want each of you to know that everything you've done to support me and be present and bring light makes everything brighter. As you weave together a community, your efforts create something that wasn't there before. You are all joining hands. You are literally changing my entire universe. And as you change mine, you change yours too. You are someone who brings light and healing to people. That is true of all of you. Everything you do to uplift me creates a world where there is more healing and more love and more support than there was before. Today, the world has more love in it than it did yesterday. Everything you have been doing has been beautiful.

All of you, each of you, in combination and alone: you have inspired me. I didn't expect to feel grateful for anything in this situation. But in the midst of what has felt unspeakable, truly, more than anything else, I am filled with gratitude.

Namaste~